Life isn't always Fair

When I was a kid I loved going to the Fair. In North Battleford, SK where I grew up every summer the Fair would come. We called them Territorial Days! Whatever, it was a fair. It usually started Sunday night, with a Parade thru North Battleford on Monday. Starting at the CO-OP Mall parking lot all the way thru 100th Street and ended, well I think at the Frontier Mall. As a kid the parade was something I always looked forward to. The floats and the band (ok, it was the free candy that was passed out) I'm not sure if they still do a parade or not anymore. Now that we are all grown up I don't think my parents attend the Fair by themselves. Another big highlight as a kid was the Spudnut Booth!!! Our church had a booth when I was a kid, I think it lasted up until I was about 10 or 11. We made and sold Spudnuts, a king-sized donut made out of potato flour. 2 flavors, chocolate (which was frosted on only one side) and vanilla glazed (dunked and glazed on both sides) We used a small stick to frost them, basically the handle of a wooden spoon, minus the spoon. The kids weren't allowed to help much in the booth, except to frost and glaze the freshly fried circles of joy!!! I remember when I was old enough to help sell them, handling money like some fried dough bookie. It was great fun. I also remember a lot of rides. My parents never went on rides with us, except for maybe the Ferris Wheel or Carousel. As I got a little older my friends would convince me to a remarkable feat of bravery and I'd set foot on some upside down spinning headache madness. My first roller coaster ride, (real roller coaster, upside down etc) wasn't until I was 20 in Las Vegas, at New York, New York. (actually quite a crappy roller coaster by my new found theme park attraction standards) Anyway, that was the Fair. Parade, rides, and Spudnuts. Eventually the church sold the stand and as I understand now, it doesn't exist. The goodness of fried potato flour has been lost to thousands (well more like hundreds) of Saskatchewan fairgoers for years to come. (I take this moment to interject that my sister has since created what we feel to be a Fairly (hehe) accurate replication of the Spudnut recipe, however she has neglected to share it with me- her blog is smallfryandco.blogspot.com, perhaps you can petition her to share her fried goodness and then send me the recipe)
Yesterday I was blessed to attend the Haddam Neck Fair. $7 admission fee, free parking and all that the local patrons had to offer. I was at home again. Admittedly the rides at this fair were not good. Down right pathetic really. Some bargain basement amusement company ripping the good people of tick country off. My friends and I each paid $4 to ride what was called Haunted Cavern. I remember a ride such as this in my youth. Small car for 2, thru probably 15 seconds of pitch black tight turns, occasionally a loud bang, pop up cut-out witch, or devil character around the corner with flashing red eyes and an evil laugh that usually happened too early or too late. As a kid it wasn't scary. I usually went on this ride after having my lunch nearly make a second appearance on some spinning rocketship of death. This particular Haunted Cavern consisted of a 10 second ride thru the dark, and that was it!! $4 to ride thru the dark!? I might as well have paid the guy to blindfold me, and sit me on a stool for 10 seconds. WHAT A RIP OFF. I had a mind to march myself over to the ticket booth and demand a refund. This guy just made $26 off me and my friends for what, a trip thru a short power outage. No matter. We had much to explore. We visited many pavilions and such, all displayed with prize winning beans, tomatoes, flowers, best eggs, best jams, pies, and cakes. The 4H tents were quite a smell to behold; best chicken (did you know there are like 45 varieties of chicken) KFC only has 3. We visited the petting zoo, which is quite a treat with city kids. For me, if you've seen one goat, you've seen them all. I did spy with my little eye an interesting creature called a Zonkey, a Zebra/Donkey mix. Really? Just what we need, an ugly grey and black striped horse wannabe! Then the prize winning cattle shed. (not that the shed won the prize, its the shed which housed the prize winning cattle) Now, I prize myself on being one who can nap pretty much anywhere, I'm not a champion like my father who once fell asleep on the toilet mid.....well you get the idea....but I am a contender in the making! Right in the middle of the shed was a woman passed out asleep on a pile of grain bags. Now, If I was a rather large lady, no matter how tired I was, I would not for the life of me nap in a cattle shed right in front of the blue ribbon winning Heifer. I'm just saying!!! We dinned on fried dough and fresh squeezed lemonade, ate chocolate covered bacon (don't knock it, bacon is the worlds perfect food) and bought squares from the local church ladies. I won a large stuffed sailor dog shooting a cross bow at a little star. (who knew that gopher hunting trip with my brother would come in handy) I won a 5 foot tall inflatable alien at another midway game. Never played the games as a kid. We usually had to pull weeds all summer to earn enough money to go to the fair and get our all-day ride bracelet. I never had extra for silly games. Still don't, but after that "dark and spooky" ride, I thought I had better get my money's worth from this country bumpkin showdown. We watched the baby contest. Wasn't much of a contest!!! People were selling their crap, I mean homemade glass brick lamps! And then a Circus performed. By circus I mean a middle aged house wife swinging from a rope in spandex and sequins she was melted and poured into, a thin ex Russian gymnast juggling hats, and 3 Italian guys on a trampoline. Stand back Cirque du Soleil!! I had a great time. I left with fond sense of memory, a stomach full of fried dough, and an alien on my arm. I could picture my dad spending all day in the sun watching the Oxen pull; my mother as one of those zucchini cake selling church ladies; and my brother, sister and I running thru the rides looking for our next 45 second adventure.

Dear Diary, I wonder how much that Cicrus lady makes?